Penultimate – A Photo Essay

 7 months after my emergency splenectomy procedure, my cancer has finally spread. I now have more bad than good days.

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I was still happy to wake up every morning, and loved the attention everyone showered on me. But I was quickly losing interest in food,
and I could hardly find strength to stand on most days.

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With the cancer metastasising to my lungs, I can no longer breath easy. And with that came disturbed sleep.
Whenever permitted, Belle was always near, keeping me company.

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Although I was still alert and bright, my mummy felt that it was time to let me join my big sister Sugar.
I have not peed in 36 hours. She was very worried.

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Mummy and Daddy kept coaxing me to stand and go relief myself, but I’m not able to, not even with their help.
And I refused to pee on my bed.
They were very sad to have to make the decision, but promised to be with me all the way.
For my last meal, Daddy went out to buy my favourite satay. I found the appetite to eat 8 sticks!
Grandma and Grandpa also came in the night to say goodbye.

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My last morning at home, Daddy lifted me into my red wagon and pushed me around the house.
I was happy to get to go to all corners of the house again, especially my favourite corners.

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I was so happy to be out of the house I wanted to jump out of the wagon. Daddy lifted me out and let me
walk by myself. Mummy hasn’t been out for so long she forgot where she parked her car. Silly mummy. 😆

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Mummy drove us to a park nearby the house. Daddy carried me down but I was so raring to walk
and explore the place by myself. So happy to walk on grass!

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I peed on the grass then waited for Daddy to clean me up like I’ve been trained to, for the past 11 years.

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And then I pooped. Although I didn’t really have the strength in my legs to lift my butt too high,
but I managed to squat till I was done.

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I wanted to walk some more on the glorious day but Daddy thinks I might want to eat some McNuggets.

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Mummy drove us to McDonalds. I kept watching out for Daddy, who has gone to buy my favourite McNuggets from McDonalds.

Daddy took so long! I was so happy when I finally spotted him walking towards the car.
We sat in the car and daddy tried feeding me my favourite McNuggets but I was tired by then.
I didn’t want any food at all. I only wanted to lay down and rest my heavy head on Daddy’s thigh.
It was a solemn reminder that it was time for us to head to the vet’s for my appointment.

I wasn’t sure why we were at the vet’s but I trust Mummy and Daddy.
I know they love me very much and that they will always make decisions in my best interest.
Dr. Lee took the time to explain the procedure to Mummy and Daddy.
Mummy cried a lot, and both she and Daddy kissed me, hugged me and said their good-byes.
And Mummy hugged me tightly as Dr. Lee administered the injection that would relieve me of pain.

At 1230hrs on 11 Jan 2017, I breathed my last.

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We had to help Paris cross the rainbow bridge about 2.5 months back, but I just only found the courage to complete this post. It was probably the most difficult decision I’d ever had to make in my entire life, and I never stopped questioning my decision after making an appointment with the animal clinic to help her pass. I still question myself today. Some would say that we have waited far too long, while others would say that we should have waited a little more. No one really supported the decision I pushed for, not even my own family: their argument was that she was still alert, bright and curious. That it would be cruel to end her life.

In her final month, I was with Paris almost 24/7. How she has suffered, no one knows it better than I do. It became a habit for me to wake up every 2 hours in the night just to check on her. It pained me to hear her laborious breathing, knowing she can’t go to sleep because of it. I have asthma; I understand what it’s like having to breath hard. And unlike her, I have medication to help me breathe better. I cannot even begin to imagine how bad it must have been for her.

Paris is now over the rainbow bridge, painless and running her heart out with her big sister who left us some years back.

Go run freely, my sweetheart. I hope you are reunited with your favourite jiejie and having loads of fun with her. We will meet again. Mummy and Daddy love you so much. Always, and forever.

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